Happy Wednesday everyone!
It’s safe to say I am no longer on vacation anymore. Back to the bullshit.
Have you ever been at a point in your life where you see and feel things aligning but life are still pretty tough? I feel things moving in a better direction but I’m still stuck in the same position.
We can’t rush God. He does everything in His timing.
Although I try to be as transparent as possible, there are a lot of personal things going on that I choose not to share on the internet. Just constant reminders that life is unpredictable. No matter how hard I try I am not in control of my life. It’s probably a good thing that I can’t control everything lol I’d probably fuck things up even more.
I’ve been complaining about my job a lot lately but recently I’ve been offered some freelance opportunities. I’m excited because gaining clients will help transition my career into being an creative entrepreneur.
I’ve been manifesting working for myself for years now. I feel working for others has only limited my opportunities. Jobs are never what they advertise themselves to be. I can’t tell you how many positions I’ve started as “entry level” just to realize there aren’t any real opportunities for growth within the company. I don’t mind working a tradition 9-5 but I’m tried of feeling hoodwinked by the corporate world.
With great power comes great responsibility, so as I receive Marketing and PR clients I am building my business portfolio as well. I am now putting together business proposals, contracts, and invoices for myself. I’m researching and learning appropriate prices to charge for my services as well as working on business alignment. This is somewhat scary because I am stepping into the next level and trying something new. I have done contract work for multiple agencies in multiple industries but this is my first time writing my own contracts and setting my own prices. It feels freeing but I am a grade A over thinker.
I am still working my day job and I have still being applying to other jobs as well. I’ve had a few job interviews but no offers yet. I’m not at the point where I can work for myself completely but Lord I cannot wait for that day. Living in the expensive ass Bay Area it’s mandatory to have at least 3 forms of income.
I’ve felt God move and prepare me for different paths before and this is where I get impatient. I want to skip to the part where I’m doing what I love. I want to skip to the part where I enjoy waking up and going to work every day. I want to skip to the part where I can afford the life I’ve envisioned for myself. But I am starting to realize that God is slowly preparing me for a bigger blessing, one that’s going to take a little longer to cultivate. This is bigger than just going to find another job, this is bigger than filling out an application an waiting to hear back. I am working on building something of my own. This isn’t going to happen over night. At this point in the game, patience and understanding is what is going to be the key to these projects succeeding.
For years, I’ve been working on healing and changing my outlook on life. I’ve learned that was the first step in all of this. I needed to heal and free myself in order to get out of my own way. I can’t continue to let my negative thoughts and the people around me hinder my growth.
This is an ongoing project because as I’ve said before, healing comes in waves. My next step is learning the tools I will need to make this business work. Slowly but surely everything is coming into together for the bigger plan.
On a lighter note, I had the time of my life this weekend at San Francisco pride. I celebrated love with some pretty amazing human beings. My little cousin and his boyfriend flew in from Las Vegas. We had a ball! I haven’t had that much fun at a parade/ festival in a while. I drank until I was sick and my terrible hangover the next day reminded me that I am indeed getting old.
Things aren’t perfect nor will they every be. No matter if we are going through something publicly or behind closed doors we are all going through something. It’s always going to be something like Biggie said ‘mo’ money mo’ problems’. Regardless if it’s relationship, family, money, health, housing, work, etc. most of the time it is out of our control. In life we are constantly being taught to lean not on our own understanding (because we really don’t know anything) and trust the Lord. He is always working even when we don’t see it. Trust that He knows what’s best. Every chapter of life is preparing us for something greater.
If you have anxiety and worry like me, do yourself a favor. Let go this summer. Have fun. Take a road trip, go on a hike, go to a festival, go dancing, go to a day party, go swimming, hang with your friends, do something to make yourself happy, do something freeing because it’s no use in wasting time over thinking. Make time and stop making excuses. Everything else is going to figure itself out. I promise.
Have yourself a real hot girl/ hot boy summer! You deserve it.
Thanks for reading & we’ll talk more next week!