Lifestyle

Don’t Be Afraid to Set Boundaries

Happy Wednesday everyone,

This week let’s discuss boundaries. Boundaries are something that makes alot of people uncomfortable but they MUST be established. In relationships, friendships, at home and at work people have a hard time understanding that although we may share spaces still respect my boundaries.

I wanted to talk about this topic because I’ve been working as an office administrator/ front desk receptionist for a few years now. What I’ve found is that having a desk in the front office makes other people feel they have complete and total access to you and your things.

As a big sister with a little sister, she always felt she had access to all my things. LOL I can honestly say at times we did that to each other but still. Most of the time, it was her wearing my clothes and using my things. My mom usually would end arguments by saying “I bought everything! It all belongs to me.” LOL

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Also living with my grandparents for a few years, I learned what it feels like to live in someone elses house, feeling like an outsider, not feeling welcomed in the place you rest your head and not having anything to yourself. When I lived in a house full of people I would come home from work and my things be messed with. I slept on the couch so I would come home to other people sitting and laying on that couch. So much for relaxing after work. It felt like they had no respect for me. I was never able to sleep, read or just simply mind my business in peace. It really opened my eyes to the desperate need to have my own space.

As an adult with a full-time job, my own apartment, a long term relationship, and bills to pay, I protect my space now more than ever. More than protecting my things, I protect the energy around me. I refuse to allow people to have complete and total access to me. I have worked overtime to mature and change my way of living.  I’ve been moving toward a different more positive thought process. Everyone isn’t on the same journey as me. I don’t expect everyone to be on my same journey but I refuse to allow anyone to interfere in my journey.

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I protect my relationship and the path we are on together. I am not rushing our process in anyway. We are learning ourselves and what we can handle step by step. I am not inviting anyone around me who feels the need to interfere with that.

STOP asking when we are getting married.

STOP asking when we plan on having kids.

When we decide to let you in we will, other than that… mind your own relationship.

That isn’t anyone’s place to try to rush us into things that has absolutely nothing to do with other people. There are only two individuals in this relationship although I may share photos or even introduce my boyfriend to some people. That doesn’t give anyone access to what we are doing and how we are planning to live our lives.

I protect my career path because it has been a very rocky one. I may or may not go back to college by the looks of these student loans. I am currently trying to figure life out as far as employment goes. My ultimate goal is to be able to work for myself. But this is my journey. I am learning, growing and taking on different things one step at a time. Please don’t rush that. What works for someone doesn’t work for everyone and you would be naive to think otherwise.

Working for other people does mean I have to set my personal boundaries. I will not allow my job or the people I work with stress me out. Sometimes I find that I am completely open until my kindness is taken for weakness then I have to draw the line. What I have learned is that people do not like being told NO. Once we put up boundaries people are offended and it feels like rejection. It’s not that at all. It is healthy to place boundaries so that everyone has an understanding. Although they make not like it at first, they will learn to respect the boundaries we have placed.

I protect my peace even while blogging. Once you open yourself up to the internet through blogging, Youtube, or social media you find that people never really know when to draw the line. They want more and more and more. You get some people who question how you do things and suggest you do it another way. You get some who feel the need to insert their opinion whether its positive, negative, or offensive. This are pros and cons of blogging. I used to feel the need to argue back and forth with everyone on everything.

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Now that I am working on understanding my anxiety. I don’t owe anything to anyone. I don’t owe anyone any explanations. We all have choice. We can continue to engage in toxicity or we can simply place boundaries on things that disturbs our peace. I no longer allow anyone or anything stress me out. It is just not worth it. It doesn’t make us rude, stuck up, or hard to work with. It just means we will not allow anyone to take advantage of us or mistreat us.

One of my business partnerships fell apart because I simply told the person I no longer wish to be apart of this. Dealing with other people isn’t always fun or easy. For freelancers and entrepreneurs setting boundaries mean drawing up written contracts and providing invoices so there’s no confusion. Simply going off of someone’s word isn’t enough.

Always document everything. I told the story about my old landlord and the mistreatment I had to deal with from her. I had my boundaries set so I saved and documented every time I felt wronged. This was a person who had been mistreating and getting over on her tenants for years. I went to the rent board and learned my rights as a tenant right away. I was able to serve her with written documentation on legally what my rights were. Learn your rights because people are getting over due to lack of knowledge. Most of us are just accepting any kind of treatment because we have no idea of our rights.

Regardless if the situation is small or big know that no matter your age, size, color, status or gender no one is allowed to mistreat you. Establish you boundaries and stick to them. This goes for personal and professional relationships do not settle for mistreatment. We all deserve happiness and peace. Nothing is worth your peace of mind.

In this political climate, where the government is literally debating on the rights women have to their own bodies, we have to learn to put our foots down. We have to protect ourselves and our energies at all costs.

Thanks for reading & we’ll talk more next week

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After graduating with my BA in Communications specializing in Public Relations, I gained experience in fashion merchandising, wardrobe styling, event planning, branding, office administration, and marketing. When I'm not working, I am active in the art and fashion community in the Bay Area and throughout California. Working behind the scenes at events like LA Fashion Week, Sacramento Fashion Week, SFA Student Showcase and accompanying costume designers like Michael Costello has helped build my knowledge and business relationships in the fashion world. I am just a fashionista and creative writer, who loves thrifting. I absolutely love all things Beyonce as well. I grew up a book worm so if I'm not binge watching TV shows or listening to podcasts, most likely I have my nose in a book. I started this blog after college as a first generation graduate learning, growing, and struggling to figure life out. In hopes of aligning others on a similar quest, I blog about my journey through career obstacles, the ends and outs of love, surviving gentrification in the Bay Area, the fashion & art community, mental hygiene in the black community, and pop culture. I also give lifestyle tips on natural wellness, natural hair, being a plant mom, and DIY projects. I write as a form of healing and self care, I pray that sharing my journey will help motivate community healing, therapy and growth for black creatives & entrepreneurs.

2 comments on “Don’t Be Afraid to Set Boundaries

  1. Very true, needed that reminder! Protect your peace, space and energy! 👌🏾

    Liked by 1 person

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