Creative Writing

Never Fold

Happy Wednesday everyone,

This week I’ve felt more at ease about the world around me. I haven’t cried at all over Nipsey’s death this week. Progress. Just been reflecting and planning on ways to continue the marathon. His memorial service was so beautiful. His family shared so many great stories and wisdom. I strive to be as spiritual and peaceful as his mom one day.

I’ve been door dashing again trying to get some extra money. Aaron and I finally have a couch! I’ll be sure to share photos of everything once I’m done decorating. This part is exciting but so expensive ugh. I am learning great patience because although I want everything right now lol my wallet is telling me to relax.

Last night Netflix dropped Beyonce’s Homecoming documentary of her 2018 Coachella performance. This documentary couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been sad about my grandma and Nipsey, I needed to be reminded of all the fun I had at Coachella last year. ( Two Days Until BEYCHELLA, The Main Event ) The documentary showed behind the scenes of Beyonce and her dancers rehearsing for months to perfect the final performance. Beyonce even shared photos and videos of her pregnancy with the twins, her labor complications and her difficulties bouncing back after giving birth. To see Beyonce as a mommy, wife and extraordinary performer was all the motivation I need right now.

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I think of hardworking individuals who do nothing but work hard and inspire, people like Nipsey Hussle or Beyonce and wonder ‘how can anybody hate on that?’

How could you actively show hate toward a woman who openly work hard, give back to her community, provide opportunities for her community, take care of her family, mind her business, and master her craft. Not only do people actively hate her they shame other people for loving her? Same with Nipsey, how could you show hate to someone who did nothing but educate and uplift his community. How could you kill someone who was so caring? These are things I will never understand but I’m learning from these situations.

Last week I spoke about stopping to ask yourself, ‘What is this trying to teach me?’ Well recently I’ve felt that these situations are trying to teach me to protect my energy. I have to protect myself and be mindful of the things I allow close to me. I am big on gaining knowledge, wisdom, and inspiring others by spreading the information I’ve learned.

“The best thing you can do for a person is to inspire them. That’s the best currency you can offer: inspiration. So, when a person can rely on you for that, that empowers them in every realm of their life. Being inspired. It empowers them in their relationships, in their business, in their art, in their creativity. It empowers them because without inspiration, you’re dry.”

Well I’m learning that inspiration can be a tricky concept. I’m learning you can inspire and empower people on many different levels. Inspiration isn’t always received in a positive manner. Sometimes it can turn people envious and make you a target. We can strive our hardest to put out positive energy and it can still attract a negative spirit. Sometimes the people who you inspire the most will reciprocate your positive energy with hate and jealousy. It’s never about you it’s always about them and what they are going through.

The tricky part is not letting that negativity affect you and change your good spirit. I finished the 6 week Understanding Your Anxiety series last week. I want to say I am thankful that Kaiser offers free classes regarding mental health. The same way we receive physical check ups from the doctor we also need to receive mental check ups. Double check and make sure you are not just physically healthy but mentally healthy as well. I will touch more on the anxiety class in another blog post but overall I’ve learned to better evaluate and deal with my reaction to things out of my control or understanding. I no longer feel the constant need to walk around on edge ready to respond and react to everything I don’t agree with. Anger is fueled by anxiety.

The thing I respect most about Beyonce is her ability to block out the bullshit. She protects her family and keeps her business very private. Same with Lauren London, even in her time of mourning she has remained strong , held her composure, and hasn’t let anyone see her sweat. Nipsey’s family has spoke words of positivity and strength in their grieving. Nipsey’s family turning down charity and donations from other celebrities speaks volumes about their character. They are collectively sending the message that although we may be down we are not out.  His family kept their heads high while honoring him at his memorial. I did not see one tear on stage nor did they address any hate or negativity. They have showed no anger or saddest in regards to his murder, just loyalty and strength. As a family unit they are the epitome of “never fold”. How amazing. I never expected his family to be the ones to comfort the public in this trying time, but they are truly examples of his strong spirit. I strive to be that strong in my spirituality and faith. To be so unfazed by negativity that even in hard times I will remain unmoved.

“Never let a hard time humble us” – Nipsey Hussle

I will continue to inspire. I will continue to work hard. I will continue to educate myself and master my craft. I will continue to give back to my community. I will continue to run this marathon. My goal is to learn how to better protect my energy. Learn how to remove myself from people’s personal opinions, childhood traumas, internal issues, and mental instability. The idea is to work hard, grow, and elevate above the bullshit. I want my energy to vibrate so high that the negative has no effect.

I must say for the most part I do a good job protecting my energy but every now and then I let something get to me. I’m human so I will gently allow myself to slip and learn from my mistakes. The biggest slip for me is learning to not be so reactive to other people’s nonsense. I pride myself on being someone who minds my business so when negativity is thrown my way, it stirs my spirit. Lol as someone who used to feel the need to pop off every time I was tested, I’ve grown to realize how exhausting that can be. Always reacting to negativity being thrown your way only makes you miserable. Combating people’s negativity with more negativity means you are constantly functioning in a negative state and that isn’t healthy for no one. The person who angers you control you. I will not allow anyone to control me anymore.

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Never ever . Ask about me

A post shared by Lauren London (@laurenlondon) on

Protecting my energy, protecting my peace, protecting my sanity, protecting my relationships, protecting my family, protecting my friendships, protecting my home, protecting my future endeavors, protecting my future kids, protecting my assets, protecting the things closest to me.

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It is possible to work hard, build, give back, and inspire without giving all of yourself away. Some things we have to keep near and dear. We can learn that from women like Beyonce and Lauren London. Two very public figures who only allow people to witness what they decide to share about their personal lives. Everything isn’t for everybody. These days you share a few things on the internet and people swear they know you. Be careful who you let in to your space, everyone who is inspired by you doesn’t mean you well. Keep working hard, growing and inspiring just make sure to protect your energy.

         Thanks for reading & we’ll talk more next week!

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After graduating with my BA in Communications specializing in Public Relations, I gained experience in fashion merchandising, wardrobe styling, event planning, branding, office administration, and marketing. When I'm not working, I am active in the art and fashion community in the Bay Area and throughout California. Working behind the scenes at events like LA Fashion Week, Sacramento Fashion Week, SFA Student Showcase and accompanying costume designers like Michael Costello has helped build my knowledge and business relationships in the fashion world. I am just a fashionista and creative writer, who loves thrifting. I absolutely love all things Beyonce as well. I grew up a book worm so if I'm not binge watching TV shows or listening to podcasts, most likely I have my nose in a book. I started this blog after college as a first generation graduate learning, growing, and struggling to figure life out. In hopes of aligning others on a similar quest, I blog about my journey through career obstacles, the ends and outs of love, surviving gentrification in the Bay Area, the fashion & art community, mental hygiene in the black community, and pop culture. I also give lifestyle tips on natural wellness, natural hair, being a plant mom, and DIY projects. I write as a form of healing and self care, I pray that sharing my journey will help motivate community healing, therapy and growth for black creatives & entrepreneurs.

1 comment on “Never Fold

  1. Losing Nipsey really hit hard, I think this is the first week I can listen to his music and be okay but it’s like after every lyric I’m like dam Nip. Bruh really got me through one tough times through music and his interviews. Pure game everytime.

    Liked by 1 person

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