I’ve definitely been nesting and breaking in my new place. It’s still crazy to me that I live my boyfriend now. I feel grown grown. lol
Aaron’s heavily into his art these days. Outside of setting up our new place he is collaborating with other artists around the Bay Area right now. I am super proud of him. He’s currently collaborating with a fashion designer, preparing for their fashion show this Saturday, February 16th. Last week he showcased at a brewery in San Francisco which was such a dope event.
Every since I lost my grandma I’ve been feeling off my game and kinda clingy. Not only to my boyfriend but also my family. I guess I have a fear of losing someone else close to me. I also feel like time is running out so I need to get my sh*t together. Death reminds us just how short life is. Someone could be here today and gone tomorrow.
Networking at all these art events also make me feel more lost than ever. I’m constantly being asked:
“What do you do?”
“Are you an artist?”
“Where do you work?”
“When are you going to put on another event?”
I don’t hand out business cards. I don’t talk about a company, business, or brand I’m building lol I’m really not even a fan of small talk tbh. I’m trying to be supportive and social instead of laying in bed all day moping. I enjoy these events but I don’t always feel like conversing and “networking” though. It gets so repetitive and so superficial. Social media has turned everyone into a “brand”. How about we stop talking about ‘what we do’ and instead just go out and have a good time?
I’m shifting my focus this year. I’m more into making authentic organic connections with people. Not based on business or career ambitions but because we just simply enjoy each others company. Most creative ideas come naturally not by force or intention. I’ve spent my whole life working for a result of some kind without realizing I’ve been running in circles. I have many great accomplishments that I am proud of but I don’t feel the need to announce them in every room I enter.
What’s for me will always be for me. What God has meant for me will not pass me. No matter how hard I think I’m working or how much content I push into people’s faces, I cannot stop the inevitable.
I am working on slowing down this year. Being still and letting God take the lead. Most of the mistakes I’ve made is because I thought I knew what was best for me. I became anxious for an outcome so I pushed and pushed and pushed for what I though I wanted. Praying and working for how I think I want my life to look.
I work hard studying and researching ways to get my creative ideas off the ground but for the wrong reasons. For validation from my peers, elders, and role models? Worrying about likability and numbers. It’s time to put my heart at ease. I no longer wish to work hard to obtain a certain lifestyle or status. I don’t want to work for a high title or a particular salary amount. I am more interested in peace of mind and authenticity.
More than the superficial rewards I am working on myself as a whole. All these unfulfilling dead end jobs and business ideas are only revealing to me the deeper work that needs to be done. What do I want to do? What is going to bring me sincere happiness? I’m tired of settling for working with companies and individuals who’s intentions do not line up with my values. I do not want to rush this part of the process.
Now that I have a stable place to transform and make home, I have a clear head space to plan out my next project. I’m working on getting out of Survival Mode as Fran of heyfranhey would say. It’s time to live more purposefully and on my own terms.
“It was social and cultural to live our lives on other people’s terms just one generation ago. And many millennials are perpetuating this process simply because it’s the only worldview we’ve been taught.
However, there is a growing collective-consciousness that with a lot of work and intention — you can live every moment of your life on your own terms.” Read more here
Slowing down and smelling the roses, decorating my house, taking care of my plants, moisturizing my hair, researching healthy recipes, putting my kitchen appliances to use, taking more yoga classes, hiking and loving on the people in my life more.
We can often times get trapped in the everyday hustle and bustle and forget to simply enjoy ourselves. Everything doesn’t have to be a big moment. Everything doesn’t have to be about instant gratification or outdoing the next. It is okay to just be.
Tomorrow is Valentine’s day, try not get caught up in the hype. Just do your best to make sure your loved ones know they are loved everyday because tomorrow isn’t promised for any of us. We can’t take none of these worldly treasures with us once it’s all over.
Spread love, that’s what a real mob do
Keep it gangsta, look out for your peoples
Thanks for reading & Happy Valentine’s Day!!