Lifestyle

I Choose Me

Happy Wednesday everyone!

November is already starting off insane! Blessings on blessings on blessings!

I was blessed with a brand new car!! A black on black 2018 Ford Fusion Hybrid!! I love her soooo much! I named her Coco 🖤

R.I.P. to Dori we have so many great memories and I was so sad to see you go babygirl

This past weekend, Ayana and I celebrated our launch of Claim You Crown Fest in Sacramento! Honestly, the whole thing was so awesome from start to finish! We worked so hard all weekend to put everything together and we had so much fun in the process. We had a great turn out. There were two photographers/ videographers there shoutout to Charles and Aaron! Chef Satia really came through with the food and decorations. Everyone loved their thank you bags and the live product bar that included all the sponsored products. The highlight for me was the ice breaker where we all stood in a circle, made a beat with our hands, and everyone recited in the chant one reason why they loved wearing their natural hair. It was just great energy throughout the whole event. Which further confirms that we are in the beginning stages of creating something magical!

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Photos by Charles Simms 

All October I was shedding old skin and letting go of things that no longer serve me. November is about all new beginnings I can feel it in my spirit. I have a whole new attitude this month than I did last month. It feels like the rainbow and clear skys after the storm. The rain is clearly up you guys! ☺️⛅️

While I’ve been shedding my old skin and growing into something new I’ve also been forced to reflect. I’ve been doing so much reflecting just in this first week of November.

I’ve always tried to rush through things or force my growth process. I want everything now. I know God has a big great plan for my life but I can be very impatient. Especially when I hear things like “You are going to do great things” or “You’re going to be famous and successful one day.” I’m like okay Lord I’ll take that now. Hurry up and give me my happy ending but we all know God can’t be rushed.

I’ve been growing through changes not only professionally but in my personal relationships as well. I try to rush to the happy ending instead of letting things flow naturally. Recently since I’ve been planning events and going to Sac more often I’ve came across a few mutual friends of my exes. The awkward convo when friends bring up old times or try to fill me in on what their doing now had me doing alot of thinking. It’s kinda shocking most of my exes are dads and even husbands now. Funny how life works out.

I’m the type to get into relationships and try to plan our whole future together. I’ve talked about marriage and kids with damn near all my ex boyfriends. (I’ve had 3 serious relationships) I see my exes now and instantly think Thank you God. If only I had known then what I do now.

All things work out or fall apart for a reason. Most of the times we have no idea why because while it’s happening it feels like hell. I have cried so many tears for men that don’t even matter to me now. According to my little sister I cried every time I got in the shower because my high school sweetheart was going away to college. LOL i don’t remember that 😆🤣 Back then you couldn’t tell me we weren’t going to get married and have daughters who would one day wear my prom dresses. LOL 16 year old me thought she had it all figured out… HA!

God works in mysterious ways. His plan is always the best thing for us but isn’t always fun. With everything I do I always pray that God’s will be done. Had I rushed into marriage and kids with men from my past I would have more than likely been miserable trying to force it.

I always talked about moving to the East Coast and travelling to different countries. The moving to the East Coast part may or may not happen because ultimately I love living close to my family but I definitely plan on travelling as much as I can. Not that you can’t travel when you are married with kids but these are things I would like to experience before settling down.

My current relationship is the only relationship I’ve ever felt free and comfortable to be myself in. Aaron makes me feel supported and encourages any and everything I do. I always describe myself as a wild bird, flying and enjoying life to the fullest. I was born a free spirit so it is very important that I don’t feel pressured, trapped or rushed into someone else’s vision of my life.

I’m not a cheater or a liar so I do not equate freedom to messing around with other people. Unfortunately, that’s where most people immediately think of when I talk about being free. I just don’t like feeling like I have to be restrained from living life the way I want to live it to prove my loyalty to another person.

Love does not mean control. Love does not mean ownership. Individuals need to know how to make themselves happy before entering into a relationship. It is not the other’s persons job to make you happy.

It took me a while to fully understand this concept and I still struggle with it to this day.

There are times Aaron is super chill about something and I’ll start to overthink like now I’m tripping because he aint tripping. Past relationships made me feel like if a guy isn’t trying to control me he doesn’t care which is totally false. Being in a healthy secure relationship is the best feeling in the world.

I’ve talked to guys who were jealous and insecure about everything I did. When I went to work at LA fashion week I was accused of cheating the whole week. LOL the things I used to settle for and put myself through is mind blowing.

I never thought I’d see the day I’d be secure enough to encourage and support my boyfriend painting naked models for a living but look at me now.

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Over the years I have shed alot of unnecessary skin. It is normal to reminisce about old memories but I am thankful I am no longer that person. I am proud of everything I’ve had to go through to get here. I am no where near perfect and I’m still trying to figure all this out but the lessons life has taught me are a blessing.

I constantly reflect out what every era of my life has taught me especially when I am entering a new level. My biggest lesson have constantly been: Choose Me. No person or thing is ever worth losing myself and my happiness. I love hard so it’s easy for me to throw my all into the people I love. No matter how hard I love someone or something I always have to choose me.

I have to love me before I can love anyone else. As women we are always taught to be nurturing we are shaped into the wives and the mothers who take care of everyone else so loving ourselves and choosing ourselves is considered selfish. How dare you put your own happiness first? That’s actually what I’m always told about marriage and motherhood: it’s no longer about you. Contrary to popular belief we can make ourselves happy while making other people happy at the same time.

It’s hard work unlearning toxic behaviors we’ve developed over the years but it isn’t impossible. Love isn’t lazy. Self love, God love, romantic love, and family love all take work.

Me to me: Do the work. You got this! 

Thanks for reading we’ll talk more next week!

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SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED!!! The house is now blue again and we made history🎉

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4 comments on “I Choose Me

  1. Great post baby! 😍 Mommy loves you!! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This was good!! Very reminiscent and relatable🤗that essential growth!! LOVE IT!!

    Liked by 1 person

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