I was given a great idea for a topic this week from a meme I posted on my Insta Story. The meme was about people who are too loud while claiming to “move in silence”. For me personally I don’t necessarily abide by the “Real G’s move in silence” motto. This blog is not to bash those who choose to ‘move in silence’. I know for various reasons people keep their business to themselves, some are just shy or more lowkey. But today I will explain why I chose to be a little more transparent.
Disclaimer: I do believe somethings should be kept sacred. I don’t share everything that happens in my life. I don’t share family’s personal business out of love and respect. The intimate details of my relationships are definitely examples of things I won’t be sharing. There’s some things that should not be posted online. The idea of staying low and grinding is very effective but there’s beauty in transparency.
When it comes to my career I try to be very open. I believe in manifesting things I want to see take place. I share my personal life and professional gains, no matter how small of big they may be. The low points I’ve experienced in my journey makes the wins so worthwhile but the fear of failing out loud is real. No one wants to get their hopes up high just to end up looking stupid. At times, I have been silenced by the fear and the opinions of others. Working hard to be let down or to be turned down hurts more when you feel like everyone is watching.
I was always the talkative kid in class. I was the over-sharer who asked too many questions at home, at church, and at school so that’s probably why I talk so much now. LOL My mom and I have always talked about everything so I never had a problem saying how I felt. Participating, asking questions, group projects, presentations and reading out loud was my favorite part of school. I hated silent reading and nap time. The older I got the more I appreciated solitude. I’ve learned there’s power in silence.
I was raised in a Baptist church community so standing up to speak during testimonies and prayer requests are a big deal. Sharing every step of the process is definitely not necessary. The things I choose to share online or with close friends and family are often things I’ve worked and prayed for. A testament to God moving in my life.
When I change my major to communications, it just felt right because public speaking has always kinda been my thing. Sharing my struggles through writing, poetry, or just conversation has been a healing outlet for me. I found that holding everything in is unhealthy and can eventually lead to bigger problems.
“You can’t heal what you don’t reveal” – JAY Z
Through self-care and healing I’ve found that opening up about issues have often times helped lighten the load. Silently suffering has only isolated me and made me feel more alone. 9 times out of 10 I wasn’t the only person going through the storm. Sharing not only helped me get through bad times but also allowed me to help others in similar situations.
For instance, I used to look at therapy in such a negative way. When I did attend sessions, I was ashamed. I wasn’t cooperative and I felt it meant something was wrong with me. I never told any of my friends or family and I was embarrassed when my mom would bring it up. Now when I talk about finding a new therapist, I not only get positive feedback I get alot of young women my age asking questions and interested in the process. Celebrating my victories as well as discussing my downfalls have inspired and motivated so many people around me.
I used to keep everything bottled in. All my feelings, emotions, and pain because I didn’t want to look weak. In turn, it just made me angry, bitter, and negative. I was mad at the world and I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. That began to weight heavy on me. After healing and growth I am not perfect but now I am like the Skeleton flower I’m more transparent in the storm. I am able to talk through things and it doesn’t take away from who I am. Like the Skeleton flower after the storm I am able to restore myself, shed my old leaves, and produce fruit.
The hardest part in opening up was I didn’t want people to see my flaws. Being in vulnerable positions like looking for a job, looking for an apartment, wanting to start a business, starting a blog, gaining weight, losing a job or a loved one, losing a friend, taking another chance at love, dealing with heartbreaks, dealing with family drama and even growing out my hair are still really hard to be 100% transparent about. I don’t like feeling judged. I don’t like comparisons. I don’t like feeling rushed.
Being the oldest and the first to graduate college in my family I feel a responsibility to help others in my community. In order to pave the way for the next generation, I not only have to lead by example but I also open up and share about my experiences. Not coming from the perspective of an expert or some multi millionaire mogul, but just someone who’s trying to figure it out.
I have to figure out what success and happiness looks like for me. I don’t see any issue with being excited and posting about making my first online sell, increasing my blog traffic, finding shoes on sale, trying out a new restaurant, finding a dope black business to support, finding a new podcast, etc. Instead of tearing each other down about being transparent it can help us be more accountable in assisting in one anothers growth. Talking about good and bad experiences help create healthy support systems.
For me, creating boundaries is the most important part in being transparent. Knowing my limits and only sharing what I am comfortable talking about. Understanding who I can confide in because everyone doesn’t have the best intentions for me. For my own protection I have to I know that I cannot bare myself to just anyone. Everyone doesn’t deserve my energy and I cannot expect to always get the same energy back.
I am learning other people’s boundaries as well. Frequently I get caught up in trying to help people and I offer too much of myself. I cannot save anyone else or try to solve other people’s problems. I have had to check myself because sometimes just offering a listening ear is enough. I cannot be everything for everyone. What healing looks like for me, will look different on others.
We are all at different stages in our growth. We all have to fail in order to learn lessons.
It takes a great level of confidence and maturity to show people “I’m not perfect, I struggle, I work hard, I may lose I may win, but I’m still trying.”
So I appreciate the silence but I value transparency . I celebrate the small wins and I mourn the disappointments but I don’t dwell on neither. I am not ashamed of losing, failing, or making a mistake because that is where my strength and growth comes from.
If I don’t tell my story someone else will.
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Thanks for reading guys!