Creative Writing Lifestyle

Heavy First Week

Hi guys,

Posting this week was honestly a struggle. 2018 is off to a rocky start for me.

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I am blessed nonetheless. I said I was going to be consistent in my weekly posting and that is exactly what I plan to do. I refuse to let road blocks deter me from my goals.

unnamedI was recently in a car accident. Everyone is okay. My girl Dori (my car) is currently in the shop but other than that everything else is being handled. Mommy misses you Dori!

I had a photo shoot scheduled for MLK day that I decided to push it back. I’m juggling so much and I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew. I am excited about my shoot with Mecca but I want to make sure I have all my shit straight first. I am actively looking for a place and possibly female roommates in the Bay Area. Praying that God will work everything out.

Most times I try to plan everything out and when things don’t go as planned, I freak out.  Trying to control everything and other people around me is impossible. I’m done with that. I will make myself crazy trying to figure out and fix things I have no control over. Shout out to Dustin Ross for his gem of advice on this week’s Friend Zone episode “Let’s worry about our own mugshot in 2018“.

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As always my boyfriend have been super supportive throughout everything but it is not his job to solve my problems. He is simply my soft place to land when times get rough. Being with him makes me forget about the everyday struggle. I understand everything I go through is for a reason. In order to grow from these challenges in front of me I have to take responsibility and grow through my pain.

With age and maturity I’m learning that everyone isn’t for me and that is okay. I have family and former friends that I will always love but we do not see eye to eye and that is also okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and choices in life.

Let go of expectations.

Let go of expectations.

Let go of ALL expectations.

Do what makes me happy, everything else will fall into place.

Don’t force it.

HAVE FUN

Let go of the narrative and the illusion that I need to have everything together by 30. Let go of the feeling that I have to have my dream job, live in a bomb loft, drive a jeep, travel the world, go back to school for my Masters and all my other life plans completed within the next year. I can live my best life and still be a mess at the same time. I am currently working on fixing my mess but the mess is still very much present.

Let go of the married by this age and having kids by that age. Me and my relationship don’t need that kinda stress Jesus.

I will never be this young again. I will be mindful of the decisions that I make but my main focus is to live life. I don’t have it all together and I never will. I will save more money this year. But I will also take more trips and enjoy life now.

I found out on Facebook the first lady of my church home in Sacramento passed away. Sister Kay was always smiling and a very loving woman. Here are a few of her words of wisdom that help encourage me this week:

“It’s not about praying for what you know can happen it’s about dreaming higher and having faith in what you cannot see. Spend time building a friendship first with a man before having a love relationship because during the hard times the friendship is what will keep the marriage going. Live life to the fullest but not too fast so you have something to always look forward to. Save money but not to the point that you stop living life because one day the things that use to excite you will no longer be exciting.”
Rest in Love Sister Kay ❤

On a lighter note, the highlight of my week has been buying my ticket for Beychella! I have been trying to see Beyonce in concert and go to Coachella for years now. This year I’m doing both!! It’s finally happening !!!!!

More life.

I am not competing with anyone else but myself.

Getting started in blogging and selling clothes online hasn’t happened exactly how I envisioned it BUT I’m extremely proud of the progress I’ve made. I am forever grateful to those who have supported me this far. I’m learning and growing daily.

That “everybody is doing that” attitude is PLAYED and part of the reason I didn’t start blogging sooner. Believing in my ability to stand out and adding something different to the mix. Rome wasn’t built in one day. I will not wake up and have millions of followers and money generating ads on my blog. But everything I do is authentic and true to who I am. I will eventually have popping photo shoots and outfit aesthetics to post but I am trusting my process.

Perfectionism is toxic to creativity. The beautiful thing about creativity is that it looks different for every person. There is no right way to express who you are. Embracing who you are and where you are, is freeing.

Happiness starts with me. Letting go of anything or anyone that may be holding me back.

Letting go of any negative thought that may be holding me back.

Letting go of anything that no longer serves me.

In the past, I ran all my ideas by my closest friends because I felt like I needed a team behind me. I didn’t want to do it alone. I still have a support team behind me but I had to stop waiting on other people to come with me. Taking the first step alone is OKAY.

I do not let other people’s fears and opinions hold me back. Most people are scared to live out their own dreams so how can I expect them to support mine?

Don’t project fears.

Knowing myself and what I can handle. I do not have to be everyone’s hero. I do not have to be someone else’s vision of me. I am going at my own pace.

 

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My dreams do scare me. The things I talk about doing in my future has always made people look at me crazy.

giphy (3).gifWith achieving big dreams come big rewards but the big work to get there is the hard part. The long days and nights, sacrifices, and very little pay off gets exhausting. During this part of the journey is where most people settle or give up. Breaking the cycle isn’t an easy task. Working hard to change is exhausting. Going down a road that isn’t paved out for you is scary. This is also the loneliest part of the journey. The thoughts of what if I worked this hard for nothing. Kill that noise girl, keep going.

Everyday is a struggle. I am blessed but God is for sure testing me to find out how bad I want it. I will not give up.

This week’s blog is kinda deep and repetitive. I am writing to myself but I decided to post it because I’m sure someone else needs to read this. My bad for preaching y’all LOL but  I’m dealing with life.
This is the real me. Healing is not always pretty. Looking in the mirror and having long talks with myself is a BIG part of my journey. Writing is my outlet.
Thanks for reading! ❤

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4 comments on “Heavy First Week

  1. “The beautiful thing about creativity is that it looks different to every person.” I enjoyed this tremendously. It was a reminder that even though I have setbacks in life they are truly apart of my growth. Love it xoxo Kisha from Jazzycurlz.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you are okay and looking at it all in such a positive light!!! It’s the best way to keep good vibes around uiu!

    Liked by 1 person

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