Today is the first day of December. My Birthday month 🙂
I was asked to try to post twice a week so here you go!
As I come closer to year 26 of my life. Self-actualization and rediscovery has been my main priority. One of the reasons I’m excited I started this blog is, I finally get to express myself through my writing.
Poetry and journal writing have always been my therapy. I used writing to cope with my parents divorce . At the time, I didn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with the therapist my mom took me to see. I was 11 going through a lot of changes and she was a stranger.
So I start expressing myself in school writing assignments and journal entries. After reading my work my teachers would ask me to stay after class to have a heart to heart. *rolling eyes emoji* I felt comfortable writing about it, but I didn’t want to talk about it.
In the 8th grade, I started writing a chapter book about a teen mom. I never came up with a name for my book. But I became invested in the characters and developing a plot for the story. I was only able to write a few chapters before our computer crashed and it wiped away all my work. (I haven’t trust DELL computers since) After losing everything, I was discouraged to start back writing creative fiction . I revisited my first love, reading.
Growing up I collected all the Junie B. Jones, Beezus and Ramona, The Babysitters Club, Gossip Girl, and Berenstain bears books series. I lived for the Scholastic Book Fairs at school. I remember always having a toy box and a mini pink book shelf in my room. I read books all the time, imagining what a book about my life would look like. A hardcover version of my story would be so dope to witness.
My journalism class in 6th grade was my first elective class and I was immediately intrigued. 6th grade year was easily the worst year of my life. This was the year I started junior high. This was the year my parents separated, I stopped talking to my best friends, got in a fight and was suspended for the first time. As a result, my grades start dropping. My teachers and parents were concerned because it was unlike me to do bad in class. This was also the year my family and I suffered a home invasion. I will never forget the horror of having 2 men kick down my front door with guns to our heads. The only positive thing about 6th grade was Ms. Sheldon’s Journalism class. Writing has always helped me escape my reality.
Heartbreaks helped me fall back in love with writing. After bad break ups I found myself back writing poems, letters, journal entries, little reminders that everything would be okay, and anything else that help me get through. Writing was and still is my release. Losing people I loved made me keep everything inside because I no longer felt like it was safe to open up to anyone. I would write all my fears, hopes, desires, disappointments, excitement, and sorrows in the notes section of my iPhone. The things I don’t feel comfortable saying out loud, I can always write it down or type it out.
Using writing and reading as my escape is my way of expressing myself without being scrutinized or judged. I admit I am guilty of caring too much about what other people think of me. I have been guilty of wanting everybody to like me. I never wanted to be viewed as anything but strong. Overthinking and perfectionism is a result of that. Never let them see you sweat right? So I did all my sweating in my writing.
Writing helps me express my feelings and I don’t have to worry about how it will be perceived. It’s easy to follow the crowd but going against the popular opinion isn’t always fun. Using your voice and being seen as “negative” or “argumentative” gets exhausting. Telling people what you are going through without “complaining all the time” is difficult. I can’t always dump my issues on other people I had to find a healthy way to cope, on my own.
Most of the past journals I wrote in I have either lost or packed away in storage. The iPhone I wrote all my poems and letters in, I lost it. I told myself it was probably God’s way of wiping away that era of failed relationships and pain. I already felt it, I lived it, I sat in it, I wrote about it, I mourned it, now it’s gone. Or who knows maybe I’m just absent-minded and lose everything. LOL
Anyways, I believe this blog is the first step to me falling back in love with writing. It is me being brave enough to show my flaws. Being transparent about the things I go through is actually more brave than silently going through ups and downs.
I am committed to taking my creative writing skills seriously this time. I used to send my close friends all my poems to get their opinions. A good friend of mine told me “you’re amazing and the world needs to know about it”. Hopefully my writing will grow wings and soar beyond my wildest dreams. If not, the healing I receive from writing is enough.
I know this is a lengthy post guys. Next week will be about fitness and yoga I promise!
Shout Out to y’all for reading.
HAPPY DECEMBER ❤